Action Film Autopsy #3 – Supple Mental!

Rough, huh? Well, if you think Ep3 was rough, just wait a fortnight.

But before Ep4 drops like an Acme anvil, here’s some fingers in the leaky seawall of our Summer Wrap-up Part 1.

First, greet my fine fellow movie medical examiners: web(and-all-things)master Mike Raub and animation geek Jen Hurler.

1) Me Jen Mike

For more on them, check out:

http://jenhurler.com

http://www.comicmix.com/author/mike-raub/

https://www.facebook.com/mikeraub

Jen pinky-swore that her new podcast would be up now, so you can double-check that she’s a woman of her word at: http://animationcomplex.com

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It’s possible that the term I was searching for to call Apocalypse after he dressed all his cronies reasonably, but saved the ridiculous, wildly impractical, sexy outfit for Psylocke is “sukebe,” which translates from the Japanese as “pervert or dirty old man – occasionally used in a joking manner.”

2) Psylocke

And, while I realize that her outfit was skimpy in the comic book too, the difference in her look from the others really stood out in the muddled film.

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The extremely effective technique director Stanley Kramer used to change languages from German to English during Judgment at Nuremberg was to zoom in on actor Maximilian Schell as he’s speaking German, then, at the second Kramer starts to pull back, Schell is suddenly speaking English. Sounds simple, even silly, but it worked very well.

3) J@N1

If the makers of Warcraft had used that technique, or something similar, I, for one, might have been able to watch the tusked orcs without being yanked out of the film every time they spoke.

4) Warcraft Orc

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And now, it’s time for The Anal Corner:

Today, in The Anal Corner, we go after the rebooted Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies’ almost always uninformed, if not ignorant, mis- or dis-use of their weapons.

Leonardo mostly used twin blades, which, in the comics — thanks to creators Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird — were actually the straight, cheap, Ninjaken swords, not the longer, curved, expensive samurai Katana swords. Guess which ones Leo’s using in TMNT: Out of the Shadows?

5) Leo

Yup, the longer, thinner, curved ones that ninja never used. Also notice how the movie avoids using the heroes’ full names – reducing great artists to a bunch of punks.

6) Donnie

Donatello mostly used the Bo, aka the pole or long staff, but certainly not to the great effect of say, Liu Chai-hui in Eight Diagram Pole Fighter. No surprise there.

7)8DPF

In the comics, Donnie’s staff was the butt of a running joke, where it was often destroyed by the enemy. In real life, a good staff is a seemingly simple but versatile and formidable weapon, made in such a way that while it’s very difficult to destroy, it’s very easy to use … to break bones.

8) Raphie

Raphael mostly used the Sai, which were created and designed as sword blocking and disarming tools, as well as clubs and daggers. But in the latest movie, they also seem to be taking steroids, and made to seem similar to twin blades.

9) Mikey

Michelangelo used the nunchaku, aka nunchucks. They are, of course, the device that Bruce Lee made famous, although they started life as a farming tool in the grain harvesting process. As a real life weapon, they are mostly used as a limb and weapon locking device, but A.B. (After Bruce), they’re always shown as a badass bludgeon.

bruce

But also as Bruce showed (and many ignore), they are best used as a hard-to-control intimidation device that is much more likely to hurt the unskilled wielder than the opponent.

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Well, hopefully this is enough to tide you over until next time.

Come back in two weeks for the Supple Mental of Ep4: Back to the Return of the Second Summer Movie Wrap Up Part II. That one promises to be pretty bloody…!

11) CACW

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